Is Life Fair? No. Grow Up and Deal With It

We have all heard the saying, “Well, life isn’t fair.”  I know I have many times with most of those times coming from my youth. Now; however, I can truly say I understand the saying whereas when I was younger, it was somewhat disregarded with an eyeroll and a deep sigh.  I have also heard many times that we all have to do things we truly do not want to do, and that is just part of growing up.  This is also true.  Did I want to move to Mexico?  Umm…no.  Do I think it is fair?  Not really.  I have come to the realization that life is not fair, and yes, we have to do things that we do not want to do.  I do not intend to write something full of inspirational quotes and reasons why I have been chosen to embark on this “magnificent journey.”  I want to be honest.  I have had feelings of sadness, despair, and have often found myself engulfed in waves of downright anger which I really had not experienced since I arrived here.  I want to explain to you the reasons why and how these raw emotions have affected me.  Some will not agree and some will not understand, but as I have mentioned in earlier posts, writing has become my therapy, and you, my dear friend, have become my therapist.

I will not bore you with all of the ins and outs of the legal immigration process.  It is truly the most confusing and often contradictory system I have ever had to deal with.  There are countless forms to fill out and of course, many checks to write, and writing these checks does not automatically guarantee that whatever task one is attempting to complete will be handled in a timely manner.  We have often been told by my husband’s attorney that she made an inquiry about whatever part of the process we were dealing with, and the government was unable to answer our question because they had a “large backlog.”  Oh, and she would not be allowed to make another inquiry until a certain time had elapsed.  We definitely would not want to aggravate those hard-working people with our simple-minded questions, but I am pretty sure, they would come to a complete standstill if our payments were not up to date.  Better yet, I have a feeling our file would probably be thrown into the trash.  The “large backlog” response really baffles me. I think back to when I was employed as a Buyer.  If my superior came to me to inquire on why my work was not complete, and I replied with “Oh, I’m sorry,  I have a large backlog.  Please get back to me in no earlier than forty-five days,” he or she would have most likely given me a disgusted look and told me to stay until my work was done, and that is only because I have only ever worked for stern but tolerating people.  If it would have been someone else at another company, I may have been told to pack my belongings, leave and not return or the more believable response of “Pack your shit and get the hell out.”  Any one of these three responses would be deemed acceptable and fair. So why don’t certain people have to live up to the same standards when they come to work? When you are being paid to complete a series of tasks, that is what you do.  You do not make excuses and you do not shun people that are paying to have you complete your assigned tasks by telling them to get back with you in a specified amount of time.  By making this statement, I am not implying that I am the government’s superior (God forbid I do that), but I am merely attempting to connect the dots between the responsibility a person has to finish his or her work to the individual that is paying him or her to do so. What is the point of paying ungodly amounts of money and filling out stupid forms with the same information over and over if nobody is going to make it a priority?

Apologetically, I realize that this post has become somewhat of a bitch fest so I will continue with the theme.  Another thing that has really annoyed me during this entire process is the willingness of people who obviously think they are one credit away from being Immigration Attorneys to offer up their unsolicited advice regarding our case.  I am in no way bashing the people who have been by our side the whole time and offered to help us in any way they could or people who are curious about the process and simply have asked questions.  I am talking about the people who have no idea what they are talking about and think they are doing us a favor by letting us in on their pertinent information. For instance, we have been told by several people that I needed to “call immigration,” and tell them that we are tired of waiting.  Well hell, why did I not think of that before?  Also, I have had arguments with people about the laws and processes.  A couple of days before my husband had to leave the country, a person told me that he could not be deported because he was married to an American Citizen.  This individual was not asking a question like, “Well, he cannot be deported because he is married to an American Citizen right?” No. He was telling me basically that we were wrong in our assumption that my husband would actually be kicked out of the country.   I had to hold my tongue before the words, “Well guess what dummy, it’s about to happen!” came out. Once again, I am not making negative comments toward people curious about our situation or people who have offered assistance to us whether it has been writing letters to better our case or simply offering encouraging words during the extremely difficult times.

With the current situation of the Syrian refugee crisis going on in the U.S., I am guessing you have figured out what has led me to compose a post like this.  I will first tell you that I am not going to say that I agree that accepting all people fleeing Syria into the United States is beneficial to the country nor will I make uneducated remarks filled with racial slurs and bad grammar.  I do; however, have concerns about the safety of Americans if the proper checks and balances are not put in place to ensure that terrorists are not present in the loads of Syrians spilling into the country.  I have said before that my political standings always reflect how it will affect my family.  The simple fact is that  after all that we have been through and the difficulties we have faced, it is “not fair” to allow these people to spill into the U.S. and receive all sorts of assistance while we are currently in the middle of filling out various forms proving my husband will not seek government assistance if they should allow him to return.  I will make the statment that my husband has never been on any type of assistance and most likely will never be. I know some people will argue that the majority of the Syrian people seeking refuge are doing so because they are unsafe which is actually a form of relief available for all immigrants seeking permanent residence and eventually citizenship, but from what I have researched, this is an extremely difficult hardship to prove.  I am sure it involves stacks of paperwork, supporting documents and of course, plenty of check writing to even apply for refuge.  From the information the media has provided, I sincerely doubt that these people have had to go through all the nonsense and waiting around for the government to approve their seek for refuge.  I will say that we are not in any type of danger. We live in a safe neighborhood and probably one of the safest cities in Mexico.  In fact, I sometimes feel safer here than I did in Marshall, Texas.  With that being said, I still find it unjustifiable to require certain people seeking residence to go through the proper channels to come to the U.S. while others are allowed into the country automatically. I am sure that I will receive some replies challenging my opinion or implying that my take on the situation is incorrect.  I welcome any response or suggestion, but I must ask you, have you ever been in the situation that my family is currently in? Would you find it fair that your spouse has been banned from a country after paying that country’s government thousands of dollars and waiting almost two years for the possibility to return without much progress while you sit and watch news coverage of people spilling into that country?

I realize that this post is filled with negative connotations that I hope you will forgive me for, but our lives are often negatively influenced because we see how certain laws and regulations do not apply to all people.  We fall into fits of anger and depression because it seems like no matter what we do or how hard we work to resolve a negative situation, it does not always turn out the way we want it to.  I have been told by many friends and family members that there is a reason we are being faced with this adversity.  Has it made us stronger?  Yes.  Has it made us appreciate things we once took for granted?  Of course.  I have not completely figured out why we were chosen to take on this fight, but I am hoping the realization will present itself soon enough.  We will continue to fill out the forms and write the checks, we will fight the feelings of worthlessness and anger, and we will make the decision to be happy.  We will not give up.


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